Over and over, at certain intervals in my adult life, there are some things that happen to me which are mostly self-caused. This week, these demons returned to haunt me and I am asking myself if this is something that is bound to happen to me throughout life. Maybe the most important question is do I learn from previous experiences?
I fear that.....but I am even afraid of even having that fear in my heart.
At times, some of these things happen and the wider implications are only too clear to me when the proverbial shit hits the fan!! Yet, at the back of my mind, there was always that small voice warning me but procrastination and the all other forces that pull me down drown it out.
A clinical psychologist told me once that procrastination is a sign of mild depression. Am I depressed? I read that one of the signs is loss of interest in many things and a sense of indifference...the loss in interest also includes sex.
But the way I feel or been feeling today...with testosterone in overdrive....I don't think I have sunk that low yet. May be I need a change of scene, a new job, a long vac, a retreat in a monastery....away from all this so that I can collect myself together. Come back fresh and with fire in the belly to face the world and claim my place in it.
My last straw that I hold on to is my endless optimism that things will be better tomorrow, I will overcame my demons and raise above them....wish I could banish them off a cliff and into the ocean just like the Son of Man did.
What should I do to exorcise these demons that haunt me?
1 comment:
Prayer and believing the Son of Man... Will help for sure.
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