Thursday, 3 July 2008


Yeah, the word that makes eyes pop and the guilt set in while others become self-righteous, either because they need to whitewash their dirty linen or because they are actually clean and want to make everyone else believe that.

Me, I just keep quiet and look at these various reactions when the subject is broached, especially in settings like the dinner table, family reunions, 'marrieds' groupings where there is an unwritten, unspoken pact for 'us to behave'. But not during male-only hang-outs, where it is okay to speak your mind and not be judged later when the last night's alcohol wears off.

Interestingly, married men tend to replay some of these conversations to their better-halves in some kind of ritual that seems to occur over and over within marriage. Somehow, men tend to have this feeling that they have to have disclosure with their wives so as to 'stay clean' from the usual disgressions; that the species are accused of, like infidelity.

I now understand why when one of us gets married, there is the now-cliched talk of leaving the club. Singles don't tend to have this kind of disclosure with their girlfriends and are bound by the men thing-no snitching to the bitches.

Though men are the ones most likely to be 'unfaithful', they are entirely blamed for infidelity, for succumbing to it and for being the cause and effect. Why I don't throw stones in glass houses, I have seen 'good men' go down and are hanged in the court of public opinion without seeking the answers to the why?

When you enter the realm of marriage [here, I'm referring to the Judeo-Christian concept of two become one], you are expected to adhere to these parameters but the reality of physiology and psychology might dictate otherwise.

How do you tell your spouse that you feel like diversifying the opportunities [cons of monopoly], exploring new territory [natural instinct to venture from familiar ground], responding to the 'call of the wild' [humans are part of the animal kingdom]. How do explain the aspect of temptation is always around us, both men and women? For instance, woman works with a more caring man than her husband or man getting more attention from beautiful sexy young women than his wife. Those are just some situations that keep gnawing at you at your most vulnerable...

This is food for thought...what drives man/woman to stray?

What I intended to post is different from the 'treatise' above...I have just read this article and will share a few excerpts that I found interesting, it is called financial infidelity [the above is merely sexual, which we tend to reduce infidelity to, today, I learnt that there are other forms that may be worse:

If you have ever left money with your spouse to buy groceries, purchase an asset that would be mutually beneficial, pay utility bills or simply to put away for a rainy day, then you discover that it was used in hair saloon. It can be very annoying; when this explodes, the row may go on and on.

Now the excerpts:

Financial infidelity -- when one spouse overspends family money without the other's knowledge -- is by far the most deadly marital money conflict.

"I see more cases of divorce caused by financial infidelity than I do from sexual infidelity," says Jennifer Brandt, a partner and family law specialist at the Cozen O'Connor law firm in Philadelphia.

Some marriages never recover from that breach of trust, says Brandt, the lawyer. That's when they come to see her. "I get people at the end of the marriage when it's too late," says Brandt. "You have to start talking about these things before you even get into a marriage." Quiz: Do you know the family finances?

Brandt and others advise that the best way for couples to avoid this problem is for both partners to get actively involved in the finances. You don't both have to pay bills, but both partners must be aware of how much money they have and where it's going.

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