FROM: FATHER
TO: ALL DEPENDANTS AND RELATIVES
CC: MOTHER
DATE: July 2011.
WORSENING ECONOMIC SITUATION AND MITIGATION MEASURES TO THEM IN OUR HOUSEHOLD
Due to the current economic situation and the so-called zero deficit budget, all domestic rules and regulations have been revised until further notice as below and under no circumstance is any violation going to be accepted. You have already seen what 'walk to work', closing of shops, etc have been handled. So violation of the rules shall meet similar responses.
1. The Kitchen and all pantries are declared Restricted Zones. Entry and/or passage shall require express permission from myself or lady of the house upon submission of written request.
2. Breakfast for adults is banned and children shall eat one bun each and a cup of milk. No more concentrated milk and each cup uses 1 teaspoon of sugar. This matter cannot be discussed!
3. Such food items as rice, chicken, blue band (margarine), butter, jam, sausages, frankfurters, eggs, bread and milk are restricted. Anyone intending to eat any of such foodstuffs must write to me in triplicate, with three days notice, giving justifications backed by a qualified dietician's report.
4. Watering flower gardens is banned. Further, only food-giving plants shall be watered. No lawns or flowers shall receive water. For internal decoration, only plastic and dry-flower arrangements shall be permitted.
5. Bathing in the morning is limited to 5 litres of water per day per person while bathing in the evening is banned unless there are medical reasons. Evidence of medical reasons should be provided from a qualified health worker. Ladies in the monthly Ps shall be allowed to use an extra litre in the evening for those areas only.
6. All security lights should be removed with immediate effect. The guard services have been terminated and in place all dependants shall abide by an all-night guard-duty roster I shall make available shortly.
7. No dependant shall entertain friends indoors, far less attempt to offer food, drinks or even music. Those who want their guests to listen to music shall sing for them.
8. To further reduce food costs, all dependants without due reason for being in Kampala are required to board the first bus tomorrow next morning. Don't ask for transport.
9. Anybody who breaks a glass, furniture or any other property in the house, shall immediately have to seek temporary employment somewhere to earn money to replace such broken item(s).
10. All visitors intending to spend a night/week or more shall apply in triplicate and give two months notice, with an endorsement from their MP, clan head, their religious leader clearly giving convincing reasons why they can't stay at their homes. Failure to do this shall result in their being turned away, at the gate, upon arrival.
11. Domestic animals like dogs and cats shall also have their food rations reduced and no meat shall be provided. They have to learn to eat some grass to supplement their diet.
All guests are subject to tax upon arrival at the gate.
THESE RULES ARE BINDING AND NOT SUBJECT TO ANY DISCUSSION WHATSOEVER!!!
Signed: DAD
Chairman of Home Affairs
PLEASE NOTE: And you have to choose between (Posho or Cassava or Sweet Potatoes) NOT ALL THE THREE OR EVEN TWO.
HARD TIMES REQUIRE TOUGH DECISIONS.
YOUR COOPERATION IS EXPECTED AND IS NOT SUBJECT TO DISCUSSION
Note: Not being the original author of this, I posted it here because of the way it captures the serious situation--the current economic hard times--in a hilarious way. We can still laugh despite the tears. Thanks to the person who sent it to me and credit to the author whom I don't know
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