Friends with benefits, toxic friends and frienemies

Any day in the last week of July and first Sunday in August is marked as Friendship Day, a day marked since the 1950s in some Latin American countries but only given the international profile by the United Nations just two years ago.

So, this Tuesday was International Day of Friendship. While the rhetoric is wrapped in high sounding ideals like promoting better understanding among peoples and cultures for world peace, individually we need to celebrate these “imperfect” friends who bring balance to our lives.

First on the list should be the friends-with-benefits. Contrary to popular belief, it is not always about sex with no strings attached. These are friends we keep for the benefits we derive from that relationship, for instance, a lawyer pal whom you can call for legal advice without paying for it, the accounts assistant who will update you when your cheque is signed, that messenger in a government office who will help you navigate the red tape. Looking at it, most of our friendships are with benefits, the only question is whether they are mutually beneficial.

Or even merely for the convenience. That is where the category of friends-with-benefits known as fuck buddies comes in. As adults, there are those times when we just need to be physical without the encumbrances of relationships, getting into one or in transition from one and society expectations. And it works whether one is married or not. No strings attached, no unrealistic expectations, and the need satisfied.

Some have argued that there are some people we consider friends are not worth keeping and should be dropped faster than hot potato. These are the toxic friends. One scenario that we have probably heard about is a woman upon getting married is advised to let go of her single friends. Really? I think this is the worst advice in marriage counselling. How will a single one appreciate joys of marriage if she does not have a married friend to look up to? Or the other way round, how will a married one appreciate her husband if she is only surrounded by people who have and not by some who do not have.

Toxic friends also include those who always asking us for something or the other, those who criticise or put us down, those who only sing our praises—fan friends as well as fun friends—who only make it seem like the good times will last forever. Instead of cutting them off, we should hug them harder; they add the balance in our lives. Who will we be generous if we do not help out a friend in need? Who will be aware of our ordinary selves if there is no one to burst that bubble? Who will we understand achievement if there is no one to pat us on the back or enjoy life if there is no one to bring the party into it?

Talking of life, with its twists and turns, we find ourselves in different situations all the time. Friends come and go, some remain and others change. It is not to say they become enemies but just former friends. We need these ones in our orbit to remain us of how things change.

But like life is unpredictable, some situations are a bit of both. Just like there are crossbreeds, the frienemy is the cross pollination of friendship and enmity. One who smiles in face of your face and laughs behind your back. In life, many things are not what they seem; the frienemy brings that reality to our doorsteps.

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. On the next Friendship Day, we should reach out to all friends and thank them for making our lives complete.

An edited version was published in Sunday Monitor, read it here

Plastic pen and wet paper: My tribute to James Mulwana

As it happens when a man of such stature in our society dies, we are wont to use words like “icon”, “genius”, “great”, “pillar” and those glowing terms. While deaths and funerals are sad events, they are occasions where our hypocrisies are on a grand display. However, in case of Prof James Mulwana, there is a description that I have hardly heard in eulogies of other ‘big men’, that is humility.
And this time, unlike other funerals I have attended, it seemed to be the common description used by whoever got chance to say something about Mulwana. It was easy to see that they meant it.

I had always heard and read of James Mulwana in connection with manufacturing, industry and big business. So, you may understand why the first time I saw him in person was quite underwhelming for me. It was way back in late 2006 when Makerere University decided to award honorary professorships to a few prominent citizens in recognition of their contribution to society.

He was one of those recognised that December morning more than six years ago. I was then a public relations officer at the university; that is how I came to attend this ‘star studded’ affair. I think it was best move Makerere University made with its initiative to link academics, research and industry.

I don’t remember what Prof Mulwana said in the speech upon receiving this honour. But what I remember is that he did not take it as a crowning moment like many ‘big men’ in our society would take it. He gladly and humbly (oh, that word, I am trying to avoid it but with Mulwana you cannot) received the title and was focused on the ‘what next?’ How can this be used to advance the cause of the university in a mutually beneficial way.

The ‘what next?’ came after that. I, together with a Students’ Guild minister, worked on getting him (going through the relevant channels, definitely) to come for a students’ exhibition where a number of innovations were on display. Then, we run into ‘roadblocks’ in trying to get in touch with him. Some of those officials whom we had to go through to reach him, in not so subtle ways, discouraged us from even thinking that he would honour the invite and come to the event.

Eventually, someone advised us that the best way to get him in person (among the many places, we could reach him) was the office he used as Honorary Consul of Thailand. Indeed, we met him there and he said “Yes” straight away.

On the appointed day, he arrived at Freedom Square on time and he was led on a tour of the different stalls. Two things happened here that showed me why he was such a great entrepreneur.

First, when he was presented with the visitor’s book, he refused to sign it with the pen he had been given. Instead, from the breast pocket of his suit, he pulled out a Nice pen and used that.

The second was when, while on the tour of the exhibition, he met this young student making various products from waste paper, which was very available at the university, using rudimentary means: a bucket, water, ash and a sieve. He was so impressed that he gave this young man Shs500,000 (about $200) on the spot to further his innovation. On top of that, Mulwana gave him an appointment to meet him and they discuss ways of how he can be supported in this.

I clearly understood the second incident, he had a keen business sense and he clearly saw the opportunity ahead of this young man if he could be guided in the right direction. But on the first one, I was lost. So, after officiating at the closing ceremony of the exhibition, as he was going back to his car, I approached him and asked him about his refusal to use the other pen.

He asked me: “Where is the other pen made?” “I don’t know, probably India,” I replied. He said, “Imagine if we used our own products, how far we would be?” With that, he got the pen from his pocket and gave it to me.

Indeed, if we all used Nice pens, he would make much more money. But more importantly, by us using those plastic pens, we would help support an industrial base upon which our economy would grow, and all the benefits that would accrue to our country and its people.

While there was a self interest in using that plastic pen, there was a selflessness in supporting that student to turn wet paper into a variety of products.

Uganda's Foreign Affairs Minister fronted for UN Assembly Chair

It is several months away but the next United Nations’ General Assembly, could be chaired by a Ugandan. The presidency of the Assembly is held on a regional rotational basis for a period of one year, and the next term which commences in September 2013 is the turn for Eastern Africa. The Minister of Foreign Affairs, Sam Kahamba Kutesa, has been fronted by government as a candidate for the position. Born in 1949, when the General Assembly had been four years in existence, Kutesa has been steering Uganda’s foreign policy since 2005 when he appointed to the Foreign Affairs Ministry.

The General Assembly is one of the six principal organs of the world body and provides a forum for representation and discussion for the 193 UN member states on a one-state-one-vote basis on issues raised. If elected, Kutesa would be president at a time when Uganda, together with Rwanda, has been fingered by a UN report for supporting rebels in D.R. Congo which could come up for discussion in the Assembly or one of the UN organs. (Published in People in the news section, Daily Monitor, December 5 2012)

Meles Zenawi: A revolutionary bows out

It finally happened! After months of speculation about his absence fuelling many rumours about his health or death depending which side of the story you listened to, state-owned media in Ethiopia announced the death of Prime Minister Meles Zenawi Asres early Tuesday morning.

It was made in a terse statement: “Prime Minister Zenawi suddenly passed away last night. Meles was recovering in a hospital overseas for the past two months but died of a sudden infection at 11:40 (on Monday night).” Though it did not divulge much in the way of words, the announcement revealed more in what is between the lines. So, it was true that he was seriously ill and was being treated in a hospital outside Ethiopia. And not on vacation at a location within the country as the government spokesperson had said in response to the rumours around his months-long absence from the public.

Since early July, there had been varying reports whether he was abroad for treatment or somewhere in the country. The government’s attempts to pour cold water on questions about the Prime Minister only seemed to add more fuel to the fire. Eyebrows were raised even higher when he missed an African Union summit that was held in his own backyard, Addis Ababa. The first time he had not attended the event since he came to power in 1991. Perhaps he was following his doctors’ advice “to rest after experiencing exhaustion resulting from long years of service without a break” as Ethiopia’s communications minister Bereket Simon said.

As Ethiopia appears at the crossroads on the direction it will take, Zenawi’s legacy is equally split. While there is a lot of good that will be credited to his leadership, there is also lot of blame that will put on him. Under his leadership, there was impressive economic growth, reduced infant mortality and HIV/AIDS infection rates as well as improved food security according to statistics though the usual challenges that dog developing countries remained.

He may have pushed for national development but severely curtailed democracy and personal freedoms; he brooked no opposition and crushed his opponents. While at the helm, he led his country into a disastrous war with neighbouring Eritrea that still has repercussions, and got sucked into the Somali conflict. Was it out of geopolitical considerations considering Ethiopia’s place in the volatile Horn of Africa region or was it positioning himself within Western interests in the area for self-preservation? It was a bit of both.

Born Legesse Zenawi in May 1955, to an Ethiopian father and a mother from Eritrea, he adopted the Meles as a nom de guerre during the war against Haile Mariam Mengistu’s government. Upon toppling that government, as head of the rebels he became a transitional president from 1991 to 1995. Following a change in the constitution and secession of Eritrea, he became an executive prime minister from 1995 up to this year.

And what a year it is turning out to be, a number of African leaders have died in office including Bingu wa Mutharika of Malawi and John Atta Mills of Ghana; and for Meles Zenawi, it is just another one bites the dust.

When the high and mighty commit the unforgivable sin

Just like in Christianity, there is the unforgivable sin, in journalism it is perhaps plagiarism. And when it is an internationally celebrated columnist and television show host from one of the internationally reputable media networks, it is akin to an angel coming down from heaven to dine with the Devil. Fareed Zakaria, who writes a regular commentary in TIME magazine and hosts Fareed Zakaria GPS, a world affairs show on CNN, was suspended after plagiarism was uncovered in an article he wrote on gun control. A paragraph in Zakaria’s article “The Case for Gun Control” was suspiciously similar to an earlier feature by Jill Lepore, a history professor at Harvard University. The similarity was picked up the Mediabusters website and quickly spread across cyberspace forcing Zakaria to apologise for the “lapse” (Apparently, it was not the first time as this note shows). Born in India in 1964, Zakaria is now an American citizen who holds a Bachelor’s degree from Yale College and a PhD from Harvard University, and has received various honours for his work which includes as a best-selling author. Now, all that could come crashing down because of a mere paragraph. Will he ever get past that? For the journalism fraternity in Uganda, it is a point to ponder: How many of our journalists are plagiarising other people’s work?

Are there are hidden hands behind Sudan's oil war?

Once again Sudan's President Omar al-Bashir waved his walking stick in the air. Once again he spoke of splendid victories over his enemies as thousands of jubilant supporters danced and cheered. But this time around the stakes are too high. An all out war against newly independent South Sudan might not be in Sudan's best interest. South Sudan's saber-rattling is not an entirely independent initiative; its most recent territorial transgressions - which saw the occupation of Sudan's largest oil field in Heglig on April 10, followed by a hasty retreat ten days later - might have been a calculated move aimed at drawing Sudan into a larger conflict. Read more here

Why you need a fire drill for your home

GUMISIRIZA MWESIGYE

The shrill sound of an alarm interrupted my train of thought and distracted me from the task I was concentrating on. At first, I thought that someone somewhere in the building had accidentally triggered off the alarm or even set it off to pull off a Monday morning prank.

Being just a client at this place, I was at loss at what to do next as the people who work there seemed reluctant to leave their desks or work stations. Security officers herded us out of the building into the courtyard for the drill as the whole place was put on lockdown. There were gripes about how the fire alarms kept going off and why they should be subjected to fire drills, as security officers emphasised that it was very necessary.

At the website, answers.com, a fire drill is explained thus: “...a method of practising the evacuation of a building for a fire or other emergency. Generally, the emergency system (usually an alarm) is activated and the building is evacuated as though a real fire had occurred. Usually, the time it takes to evacuate is measured to ensure that it occurs within a reasonable length of time, and problems with the emergency system or evacuation procedures are identified to be remedied.”

Prior to this experience, I had never undergone a fire drill or, in this case, been caught up in one. But with the frequent reports of fire outbreaks in schools, business premises, markets and homes, knowing what to do in case of a fire is not only necessary but very important. It could save a life or lives.

Statistics from the Uganda Police Fire Brigade show that in January alone, there were 70 cases of fire reported in the Kampala city area and neighbouring districts. By the middle of the following month, there were 44 cases and five people injured. Basing on such figures, it is safe to guesstimate that by the end of March, there have been about 100 cases countrywide, both reported and unreported. In an earlier interview with Daily Monitor, the Training Officer at Fire Brigade Headquarters, Stephen Engwedu pointed out, “...fires in homes are caused due to negligence. They are usually caused by candles, short circuits, poorly maintained appliance, unattended to charcoal stoves, and a few arson cases.”

In some countries, fire drills in different types of places are governed by set laws, statutes or regulations. In the US, it is a requirement that fire drills are conducted at certain intervals though this varies from state to state. For instance, in some states, schools are obliged to carry out these drills once a month, others stipulate that there should be a greater frequency at the start of the school year, and in others, they should include a security drill. In UK, the Fire Precautions (Workplaces) Regulations say that all workplaces must have an emergency plan consisting of staff actions, evacuation plans and arrangements for contacting the fire brigade.

But these are countries with well developed fire and emergency response structures and systems. In Uganda, while there is a police department to cater for such emergencies, there are a number of challenges that hinder efficient response mechanisms. There are only eight towns in the country outside the capital city that have fire stations; these are Arua, Gulu, Mbale, Tororo, Jinja, Masaka, Fort Portal and Hoima. To fill the gap, there are a number of companies that sell and service equipment like fire extinguishers, fire alarms and smoke detectors. But this capacity is inadequate in face of the frequency of fire outbreaks.

One of the measures that the police have initiated is to set up a sensitisation team to educate people about protection against fires. But as Engwedu acknowledges that there are bottlenecks with such an approach. It centres on the attitude and mindset. “But people have not taken safety seriously”, he said.

Considering that 50 per cent of people who die in home fires were trying to escape when they died and that a fire can engulf a house with a few minutes from the time it started, it is only prudent that a home owner in Uganda should craft a fire drill for his or her home in case of such an emergency.

Here are general pointers on how one can do this. These cover pre-planning, an initial inspection of the home, developing a checklist, formulating a drill and the factors unique to the home that should be taken into account.

In the pre-planning stage, one should think about how the escape will be made from every room in the house, starting with the bedrooms. It is advised that the two escape routes, the second may be through a window. A decision should be made on where to assemble everyone outside once the escape has been made. In addition, define everyone’s role and allocate responsibility.

A checklist includes questions which can be developed after the home owner has performed an inspection all over the house. Though not set in stone, some questions are on safety, obstacles and potential triggers of fires: “Does a grown-up always stay in the kitchen when food is cooking on the stove?” “Are pot handles turned inward so they cannot be bumped?” “Are extension cords used safely?” “Are electrical cords in good condition, without cracks or frayed areas?” “Is there clutter in corridors and other access points?”

The first step in formulating a fire drill is a meeting with members of the household. “Hold a family meeting and discuss various ways on how you can evacuate your home safely and promptly in the event of a fire,” advises wikihow.com in its seven steps on to conduct a home fire drill.
Factors are particular to your home are vital to consider in the drill. For example, are there young children, people with disabilities or frequent visitors, times when it is a full house or is the home mostly empty?

How regularly to carry out the drill is dependent on the nature of the home but as the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee (UW), US, points out in its general guidelines and policy: “Proper drills ensure orderly exit under control and prevent the panic that has been responsible for much of the loss of life in the major fire disasters of history.”

In the same vein, there should a record of all drills conducted as well as a critique. In the case of the fire drill that I was part of, I hope it was noted that there was reluctance in the participation. This is a potential pitfall that a home owner should take note of. In the UW guidelines, this is also noted: “If a fire exit drill is considered merely as a routine exercise....there is a grave danger that in an actual fire, the drill will fail in its intended purpose.” Worth noting is that drills should be pre-planned and pre-announced so as not to breed apprehension and cause passivity to future alarms.

A review of the exercise conducted at home with all participants is vital. It helps the persons responsible to take note of the loop holes, pitfalls and areas for improvement. In this regard, it would be only prudent that any home owner who develops a fire drill on his or her initiative to make use of the technical personnel and resources. In Uganda, the police and private service providers would be helpful.

We should be mindful of the fact that whether it is a mansion in suburbs of Kampala, a three-bedroomed house in Kasese or a manyatta in Nakapiririt, there are always resources available in the vicinity that can be used to warn of a fire or put out one. These can be a smoke detector, a whistle or a horn, a fire extinguisher, water or sand.

Published in Daily Monitor (www.monitor.co.ug), Wednesday 4 April 2012 in Homes and Design section