Here is an advice/observation article I wrote in my weekly column in Daily Monitor.
I am not cut out for this. I will start with a disclaimer. I am not a kojja or whatever they call a “relationship guru”. I even hate anyone referring to me as such. But I am because an uncle to some, and at least a decade older than the youngins I associate with, and a big brother, and most importantly, because my daughter will read this, I will comment where I can on this article by City Girl in Nairobi News. The title tells it all: Things that tell your Nigerian man is a big con.
Since she wanted it to get to as many people as possible, I guess she would not mind me reproducing some excerpts. Also in line with Nelson Mandela Day (marked every July), where we are called to volunteer 67 minutes for a charitable act, I took out 67 to volunteer this “charitable” piece of advice (in italics).
This is what City Girl says: “…here are a few pointers you need to look out for… If he exhibits any of these traits, then you are dealing with a riffraff.”
He is too romantic: You have never met a man like him…He is not like the unromantic [other] men…He calls you ‘baby’ all the time except when he calls you ‘my queen’….and she nails in this line…It is not humanly possible for a man to be 100 per cent romantic, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
I always wonder why women always fall for this romantic guy BS? Let me just say this, it is the easy part to act than any other. Well summed in this statement: Women may fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships!
He throws money at you: No man in his right mind will throw money at a woman….But this Nigerian is the most generous man you have ever met... He even gives you money before you ask for it... He debunks every myth you have ever heard about Nigerian men swindling women off their money…You think that the Lord has finally smiled upon you and given you a wonderful man who is not only loving, but also rich. All those prayers.. for a husband have finally been answered. Shock on you….(Sic)
In the paragraph above, replace Nigerian with man. Any serious man would not just throw money at a woman. Any self-respecting man would not throw money at a woman he respects. We throw money at whores, strippers and jump-offs. Any man who has money/wealth/riches or somewhat comfortable with the finances would not try too hard to show off.
He moves in with you: So he gives you a cock and bull story about how he is putting up with a friend…[blah blah]. You pity him and allow him to put up with you in your house for a short while…. Every week, he has a new excuse. A week turns into a month and before you know it, you are co-habiting…
My take: Take a stand, throw him out. Change the locks
He has mysterious ‘trips’: He purports to be a businessman but you are not exactly sure what he does for a living…. He travels often…for ‘business trips’. You don’t care what he does for a living mainly because of all the goodies he brings you. Lingerie. Expensive shoes. Perfumes. Dresses. Bags.
My honest appeal: Please, please, pleaseeee….know what your man does for a living!
You have been warned. Stay away from Nigerian men.
My warning, stay away from men like this…especially Nigerians
Thursday, 23 July 2015
Friday, 6 February 2015
Bob Marley: The prophet and the enduring appeal of his message
I am talking of Bob, who is 70 years old today. Note the present tense, you will know why. Robert Nesta Marley, born February 6, 1945, is one of the world’s most recognisable musicians. We know about reggae because of him and his band, The Wailers. Bob Marley and The Wailers almost singlehandedly brought the sweet sounds of reggae from the confines of the Trenchtown ghetto in Kingston, Jamaica, to our living rooms, clubs, parties, on radio and TV and everywhere else music can be played.
But he was more than just a musician, if Lil Wayne, WizKid or Sizzaman are also called musicians. He breathes that rarefied air that only few breathe. It is like being on the top of Mt Kilimanjaro, with your feet in the snow and head in the clouds.
Bob Marley is a legend, so we can mention his name in the same sentence with Michael Jackson or Elvis Presley. Mimi knows Michael, everyone knows Michael. Everyone loved Michael. But Michael has been dead a few years, June 2009. Bob died in May 1981, and Elvis in August 1977. But they still make the Forbes list, making more money dead than many of the celebrities that thrust in our faces every day like Kim Kardashian, By the way, what is her claim to fame? OK, apart from being wife to a famous musician. But I digress.
Forbes magazine, an American magazine is that perhaps more known for the lists of who has made what money during the year, puts Bob Marley in the category of top earning dead celebrities. In the period October 2013- October 2014, he was ranked at number five with earnings of $20m (Shs57.3b). Before that, it was at $18m (Shs51.5b). So, he made $2m (57.3m) more.
You may wonder how this is so. Forbes magazine breaks it down like this: “The reggae legend's post-mortem earnings are up $2m in 2014 thanks to a diversified range of ventures: Marley Beverage Company (including Marley Coffee and a “relaxation drink” known as Marley’s Mellow Mood) and House of Marley (producer of eco-friendly audio and lifestyle products). Marley’s estate this year also launched Marley Apparel, a lifestyle clothing line designed by Bob’s eldest daughter, Cedella Marley. Marley has sold more than 75 million albums in the past two decades.”
New Pittsburgh Courier on its website, answers the question: So how is he still making millions? Well, first of all, since its release in 1984, Bob Marley’s Legend album continues to sell more than 250,000 copies every single year. Nowadays, much of his music is sold via iTunes and other digital retailers. And tons of his songs are bought around the time of his birthday every February 6 due to a smart annual campaign launched by his estate called “Bob Marley Week”. Believe it or not, but millions of fans all around the world celebrate this special week dedicated to Bob Marley.
It is down to the music. It has an enduring appeal that transcends time and space. Matthew Mulumba, a diehard fan, describes his idol in glorifying terms. “He is a revolutionary, a freedom fighter,” he says and adds that the music has a message in Africa, particularly for places like Somalia, South Sudan. And I bet everywhere else. Not all the 75 million albums have been selling in Africa only. “The music is still rich, anyone can identify with it, even just the instrumental,” Mulumba concludes as he cites Redemption Song and Zimbabwe as examples.
Moses Serugo, arts journalist, cannot agree more: “I guess it's the catchy sing-along lyrics and that enduring reggae sound that towered over more deserving reggae talent like a Peter Tosh. My firm favourites remain the stripped down Redemption Song driven by just an acoustic guitar and Zimbabwe that has an arresting bass guitar intro and distinct percussion clank after each lyric.” Quoting a line from the former ‘How long shall they kill our prophets?’ he adds, “Very resonant with the demise of pan-Africans like Lumumba and Sankara.”
Redemption Song indeed has a message for the youth like Rachel Wisdom, 21, a university student who thought it is a song that contestants on American Idols and other talent shows have to sing. She had heard it sung so many times on these shows. Until I told her it is Bob Marley’s song, and left her with this line from that song: “Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free our minds.” The same goes for Mimi, I am buying her the Legend album today. For the others like Pauline Bangi, who know Bob and songs like I Shot The Sheriff, I say, hit me with the music.
This article was published in Daily Monitor
Saturday, 31 January 2015
This name on Coke bottle or can thing...Ugh!!
What better way to start my 2015 blogging than 're-blogging' this brilliant take on a trending topic...Here we go:
I am not going to piss into anyone’s can or bottle of soda, and certainly not on the brilliant marketing campaign that the Coca Cola company is running right now.
This is the ‘Share a Coke‘ campaign we’re all talking about, in which people are putting their names on cans or bottles of Coca Cola…or, to be accurate, Coca Cola is putting people’s names on cans and bottles......This is another level of neo-colonialism: An African chap struggling to put a Jewish or English name onto an American branded bottle...Read the rest here
I am not going to piss into anyone’s can or bottle of soda, and certainly not on the brilliant marketing campaign that the Coca Cola company is running right now.
This is the ‘Share a Coke‘ campaign we’re all talking about, in which people are putting their names on cans or bottles of Coca Cola…or, to be accurate, Coca Cola is putting people’s names on cans and bottles......This is another level of neo-colonialism: An African chap struggling to put a Jewish or English name onto an American branded bottle...Read the rest here
Sunday, 30 November 2014
Men in Uganda: Unappreciated, endangered but surviving
It is the end of an interesting month. No, it is not a paycheck, which is probably what you are thinking. Interesting, in that, this is the month of the man. November is when there is International Men’s Day, which is celebrated on 19th and the whole month dedicated to Movember. The latter being a charity drive to raise awareness of men's health issues, such as prostate cancer and other male cancers, and promote healthier lifestyles.
Movember is a blend of “moustache” and “November” because of encouraging men to grow a moustache or not shave it as a way to highlight the cause. But the back story of how this came about is interesting. What eventually became Movember was conceived during a boys’ night out in a pub, how typically male.
In 1999, group of young men in Adelaide, Australia, coined the term with the idea of growing moustaches—“Growing whiskers for whiskers”—to raise money for Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals through selling T-shirts. Five years later, another group in another Australian city, Melbourne, held an event where 30 men grew moustaches for 30 days to highlight prostate cancer and depression in men. This would eventually become the Movember Foundation charity. The initiative spread to other countries and continents. In 2012, perhaps for the first time, there was a Movember campaign in Uganda spearheaded by Victoria University Health Centre.
Now talking of prostrate cancer, which Movember especially focuses on, the figures for Uganda are scary. A study done by Uganda Cancer Institute shows that eight out of every 10 men diagnosed with prostate cancer die within a year. On top of that, at least five to 10 new cases are registered at the institute monthly. The twist is that these cases are mostly in advanced stages, partly explaining why death comes closely after that.
A clearer picture is in these figures from International Agency for Research on Cancer. Estimated number of new cases per year is 1,547 while estimated number of deaths per year is 1,314. So, the 223 who do not die this year may die the next year. It is therefore not surprising that prostate cancer is the most common cancer among Ugandan men and the rate one of the highest recorded in Africa.
The other issue in focus is male depression. Yes, men get depressed too…but it is masked in plethora of coping behaviour. On this, Mayo Clinic website elaborates thus: “But other behaviours in men that could be signs of depression—but not recognised as such—include: Escapist behaviour, such as spending a lot of time at work or on sports; alcohol or substance abuse; controlling, violent or abusive behaviour; irritability or inappropriate anger; risky behaviour, such as reckless driving.” Looking closely, is this not the profile of a typical Ugandan man?
Though there are a variety of factors that lead to male depression, feeling unappreciated can be one of them. And being a man in Uganda is “a hard paper”. You have to work twice as hard under twice as much pressure as the other sex to be this or that, to take care of this or that, be responsible for this or that, be this or that. Men are husbands, brothers, fathers, leaders or other thankless roles but when the songs are sung, they are curiously left out of the equation.
This is the essence of International Men’s Day. While not a UN-sanctioned day, its origins can be traced to Trinidad and Tobago and now marked in more than 60 countries across different continents. The theme is men’s and boys’ health, gender relations, gender equality, and positive role models. “Men make sacrifices every day in their place of work, in their role as husbands and fathers, for their families, for their friends, for their communities and for their nation.”
Incidentally, it was on International Men’s Day, November 19, when results of the recent census were released. As they say, men lie, women lie, numbers don’t: On top of being unappreciated, Ugandan men are an endangered species. The sex ratio, men to women, is 94.5 males to 100 females down from 101.9 in 1969. The number of men is declining: At 16.9 million men compared to 17.9 million women, it boils to 985,901 less men than women. Somehow, we survive as there will always be a baby boy born. Maybe things will be better. OK bye, I’m gone till November.
A version of this was also published in Daily Monitor
Movember is a blend of “moustache” and “November” because of encouraging men to grow a moustache or not shave it as a way to highlight the cause. But the back story of how this came about is interesting. What eventually became Movember was conceived during a boys’ night out in a pub, how typically male.
In 1999, group of young men in Adelaide, Australia, coined the term with the idea of growing moustaches—“Growing whiskers for whiskers”—to raise money for Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals through selling T-shirts. Five years later, another group in another Australian city, Melbourne, held an event where 30 men grew moustaches for 30 days to highlight prostate cancer and depression in men. This would eventually become the Movember Foundation charity. The initiative spread to other countries and continents. In 2012, perhaps for the first time, there was a Movember campaign in Uganda spearheaded by Victoria University Health Centre.
Now talking of prostrate cancer, which Movember especially focuses on, the figures for Uganda are scary. A study done by Uganda Cancer Institute shows that eight out of every 10 men diagnosed with prostate cancer die within a year. On top of that, at least five to 10 new cases are registered at the institute monthly. The twist is that these cases are mostly in advanced stages, partly explaining why death comes closely after that.
A clearer picture is in these figures from International Agency for Research on Cancer. Estimated number of new cases per year is 1,547 while estimated number of deaths per year is 1,314. So, the 223 who do not die this year may die the next year. It is therefore not surprising that prostate cancer is the most common cancer among Ugandan men and the rate one of the highest recorded in Africa.
The other issue in focus is male depression. Yes, men get depressed too…but it is masked in plethora of coping behaviour. On this, Mayo Clinic website elaborates thus: “But other behaviours in men that could be signs of depression—but not recognised as such—include: Escapist behaviour, such as spending a lot of time at work or on sports; alcohol or substance abuse; controlling, violent or abusive behaviour; irritability or inappropriate anger; risky behaviour, such as reckless driving.” Looking closely, is this not the profile of a typical Ugandan man?
Though there are a variety of factors that lead to male depression, feeling unappreciated can be one of them. And being a man in Uganda is “a hard paper”. You have to work twice as hard under twice as much pressure as the other sex to be this or that, to take care of this or that, be responsible for this or that, be this or that. Men are husbands, brothers, fathers, leaders or other thankless roles but when the songs are sung, they are curiously left out of the equation.
This is the essence of International Men’s Day. While not a UN-sanctioned day, its origins can be traced to Trinidad and Tobago and now marked in more than 60 countries across different continents. The theme is men’s and boys’ health, gender relations, gender equality, and positive role models. “Men make sacrifices every day in their place of work, in their role as husbands and fathers, for their families, for their friends, for their communities and for their nation.”
Incidentally, it was on International Men’s Day, November 19, when results of the recent census were released. As they say, men lie, women lie, numbers don’t: On top of being unappreciated, Ugandan men are an endangered species. The sex ratio, men to women, is 94.5 males to 100 females down from 101.9 in 1969. The number of men is declining: At 16.9 million men compared to 17.9 million women, it boils to 985,901 less men than women. Somehow, we survive as there will always be a baby boy born. Maybe things will be better. OK bye, I’m gone till November.
A version of this was also published in Daily Monitor
Sunday, 15 June 2014
3,477 days a dad: Figuring out F.A.T.H.E.R.H.O.O.D
I will not start off by stating the obvious, that today is Father’s Day, you must have heard that already though it is not overly trumpeted like Mother’s Day, which is marked in May, was. And this contrast kind of reflects on how many people perceive the roles of these two parents.
While many tend to praise their mothers, they swing the other way when it comes to their fathers. For those, whose fathers were deadbeat dads, I would understand. At times it is surprising that people who shared with a roof with their dads, have anything but positive to say about them.
Some claim that their fathers were aloof, physically present but not unavailable. But if we begin to look at it from another angle, we will begin to understand our fathers and that they were from another generation. The expectations on them as fathers are different from what is expected from us.
We can now hold hands with the baby mamas or mothers of our children as we attend antenatal sessions, go into the labour ward, pick up our brood right after the midwife has cleaned up, and carry around those brightly coloured oddly shaped baby bags. And even be around for the immunisation jabs. For our fathers, the closest was just outside the labour room then he would probably hold the baby a few days, weeks or even months later. But from that day he had to hustle for baby to have milk and the mum and other business is taken care of.
And that is what fathers do; we take care of business. We make sure our people have food on the table, have clothes on their backs, and have a roof over their heads. This is essentially what it is, this is what we do, this is our responsibility. If not for anything, this single factor is enough to celebrate and honour our fathers and not only on the third Sunday of June.
Even before I became one, I always remembered this line by Laurence Fishburne’s character in the film, Boyz-N-the-Hood: “Any fool with a d— can make a baby, but only a real man can raise his children.” Thankfully, unlike the son he was talking to, I was not a teenage dad or even got one in my twenties. I guess I was not a fool with a d**k, but the constant question I am faced with is whether I am the real man raising children.
This is question I do not have an answer to; I wonder if my father also experienced such self-doubt at times like I do. He seemed to be always in control, to have all the answers, and to the right thing at the right time…in his quiet, laid back way.
As I grew older and understood him more, he seemed to have evolved into this philosopher-prophet. Some of the things he told me still ring true eight years after his demise. By that time, he related to me as more of a brother than a father. But we had not got round to talking about fatherhood. By the time he passed, I was a father to a two-year-old, he was a grandfather courtesy of me, my brother and my sisters.
Probably I would have learnt from his wealth of experience or probably not. May be this is about figuring your way through the maze. Like with many things in life, there is not formula to such situations. We just find our own way, just as the bird does when it flies from the nest.
I was first thrust into this fatherhood thing 3,477 days ago. It was an exciting time, I had eagerly waited for that moment for several months. But somehow the little one chose that time I left the hospital to catch some shut eye to pop. Since then, I have been back to the labour ward thrice. Yes, antenatal sessions, brightly coloured oddly shaped bags, immunisation jabs and all. With four sons now, I hope they will look back and say our father did right, just like I say my father did right. And that is the greatest gift I can ever receive on any Fathers’ Day.
Also published in Daily Monitor, June 15, 2014
Some claim that their fathers were aloof, physically present but not unavailable. But if we begin to look at it from another angle, we will begin to understand our fathers and that they were from another generation. The expectations on them as fathers are different from what is expected from us.
We can now hold hands with the baby mamas or mothers of our children as we attend antenatal sessions, go into the labour ward, pick up our brood right after the midwife has cleaned up, and carry around those brightly coloured oddly shaped baby bags. And even be around for the immunisation jabs. For our fathers, the closest was just outside the labour room then he would probably hold the baby a few days, weeks or even months later. But from that day he had to hustle for baby to have milk and the mum and other business is taken care of.
And that is what fathers do; we take care of business. We make sure our people have food on the table, have clothes on their backs, and have a roof over their heads. This is essentially what it is, this is what we do, this is our responsibility. If not for anything, this single factor is enough to celebrate and honour our fathers and not only on the third Sunday of June.
Even before I became one, I always remembered this line by Laurence Fishburne’s character in the film, Boyz-N-the-Hood: “Any fool with a d— can make a baby, but only a real man can raise his children.” Thankfully, unlike the son he was talking to, I was not a teenage dad or even got one in my twenties. I guess I was not a fool with a d**k, but the constant question I am faced with is whether I am the real man raising children.
This is question I do not have an answer to; I wonder if my father also experienced such self-doubt at times like I do. He seemed to be always in control, to have all the answers, and to the right thing at the right time…in his quiet, laid back way.
As I grew older and understood him more, he seemed to have evolved into this philosopher-prophet. Some of the things he told me still ring true eight years after his demise. By that time, he related to me as more of a brother than a father. But we had not got round to talking about fatherhood. By the time he passed, I was a father to a two-year-old, he was a grandfather courtesy of me, my brother and my sisters.
Probably I would have learnt from his wealth of experience or probably not. May be this is about figuring your way through the maze. Like with many things in life, there is not formula to such situations. We just find our own way, just as the bird does when it flies from the nest.
I was first thrust into this fatherhood thing 3,477 days ago. It was an exciting time, I had eagerly waited for that moment for several months. But somehow the little one chose that time I left the hospital to catch some shut eye to pop. Since then, I have been back to the labour ward thrice. Yes, antenatal sessions, brightly coloured oddly shaped bags, immunisation jabs and all. With four sons now, I hope they will look back and say our father did right, just like I say my father did right. And that is the greatest gift I can ever receive on any Fathers’ Day.
Also published in Daily Monitor, June 15, 2014
Thursday, 24 April 2014
Why not legalise cannabis? It is medicine
So, I turned my attention to something that struck me more about this Easter than those religious arguments. What was kind of unique about this Sunday is that it fell on April 20, code-named variously as 420, 4:20, 4/20, which is a kind of celebration for another kind of movement.
April 20 has become “Easter” or “Christmas” for cannabis fans, while several use it as an occasion to get high, it is point for those who campaign for its legalisation. The short of the long story behind 420 is that a group of students in California, calling themselves The Waldos, used to meet at a particular spot at 4:20pm to go and search for an abandoned field of marijuana. While they were not successful , the legend spread and eventually given a spin by The Grateful Dead, a popular rock band. Of course, there are many versions to the 4/20 story.
In a small way, weird some would say, I would also agitate for legislation. And I must add a strong emphasis here, for STRICTLY medicinal purposes and possibly industrial use but not recreation.
Some would ask, does cannabis, or marijuana as it is more popularly known, have any use apart from intoxication? Yes, it does.
You see, what gives the high is technically known as tetrahydrocannabinol, or THC in short. It is just one of the more than 400 known compounds in the plant. But I am not an expert of any sort, so I hope the testimony of Dr Sanjay Gupta will add weight to my thrust. He is a neurosurgeon and medical correspondent for CNN, a critic of medical marijuana who authored a 2009 article “Why I would Vote No on Pot” in TIME magazine.
By 2013, he had made the documentaries, Weed and Weed 2, and written an article on CNN blogs, in which he explores the medical properties of cannabis. To quote him: “We have been terribly and systematically misled for nearly 70 years in the United States, and I apologise for my own role in that. I hope this article and upcoming documentary will help set the record straight.” Later, he continues, “While investigating, I realised something else quite important. Medical marijuana is not new, and the medical community has been writing about it for a long time. There were in fact hundreds of journal articles, mostly documenting the benefits.”
So, what are these benefits? Cannabis can be used to treat cancer, because it kills off those cells. It relieves pains, relax muscles and its different compounds act on the body differently. So, in addition to cancer, it helps with seizures, migraines (types of headaches), Glaucoma (an eye disease) multiple sclerosis (which affects the nervous system), Alzheimer’s (which causes memory loss), Pre-menstrual Syndrome (the women would know this), HIV/Aids and disorders like ADHD, and Crohn’s syndrome, an inflammatory bowel disease.
Many times, there is news of police raids on marijuana gardens, some of which the owners say they use to treat cattle and poultry. Silently, I wonder at this waste of resources.
I say we, Uganda, should follow the example of Uruguay, which legalised growing, sale and smoking of marijuana in 2013 to curb the illicit distribution and sale. But in our case, let us restrict this to medical purposes. And I could not agree more, as the UN Office on Drugs and Crime notes, “It is important to distinguish between users of scientifically‐approved, legitimate cannabis‐based medications and those who seek to use “medical” cannabis as a shield for legitimising general cannabis use.”
Imagine Uganda tapping into the growing international market for medical marijuana, which is worth billions of dollars annually. Making an anti-homosexuality law in face of international pressure, threats and ridicule showed Uganda is capable of some bold moves. Let us legalise cannabis, it is medicine.
An edited version of this was published by Daily Monitor newspaper
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